Restart

Sometimes i feel that people don't understand me. I think poly life is getting dull each day. Everyone had reveal their weaknesses and their face behind the masks. Conflicts and all. We still got to do project with one another. Even my clique is a little psychic at times. I'm kind of tired with my clique. One guy out of jealousy, want to walk out from our mini clique called meanos. Jealous of his guy friend talking to other guy he hate. He's not gay, maybe he is but i don't know. He just hate crowds and demand people to accompany him. I think he is being a little selfish and overboard at times. Saying how he suffered. Cut his wrists, gobble down food trying to choke himself and punched his wrists on the wall. When i check his hand the next day, there's no bleeding signs. He wanted to get our attention but its getting too much that i ignore him. I felt lonely too, sometimes. But some will ignore me. However, when there are times i wanted to be alone, i dont mind. I don't like it when there's a lot of people i know around me ignore me. While when there's not a lot of people. I wanted to be alone. For example, when going out with girl friends. I hate shopping with them seriously. I dislike waiting for them and all. I wanted to be alone shopping. I find that more fun and easy to decide what i want to buy.

Yesterday, i went botanic garden with her. I really hate to follow people around aimlessly. Actually, i don't feel like going. But since she asked me i said ok. Next time i would never want to go out with her again. I felt like a mother bringing a child sometimes too. I have to think of her feelings. She doesn't like to shop but i wanted to shop. I said ok then we separate. You go home first then i continue. I don't mind like that. But she went silent because she wants company. I don't like it when everytime she shouted like a child and said "PANG SEI me" "PANG SEI me" want everyone to know im a bad person. ok. I mean everyone is a young adult already. Can't you stay alone for a short period? Although i was PS for a few days before but i never say out. Until suddenly i said can don't leave me alone behind. Then she will sort of make fun of me and said to other friend jokingly, "eh, ignore her" But sometimes i don't take jokes. I felt uncomfortable and i feel like switching friends. But it's already too late to change another new friend. After all, human beings are selfish. After that, i decide to ignore her and join other people for other topics. I realised that i clicked well with other people more because we have the common interests. She started to feel left out and angrily said,"you know im not 18 yet and want to go ladies night". Dotz Obviously she is angry and i said,"ok lo, we accompany u later" cos i felt bad too ma. Then she said," Oh im not another samson. Im not angry too." Obviously she's angry and all, I find her a little childish too. Maybe, a little taste for her to feel what is to be alone. Somehow, I wasted time with these people.

Cruise is suppose to be a fun filled event and u know what???? We stayed in the "hotel room" playing pokers. Damn it. I really don't like staying in the hotel room. There's a lot of place i wanted to explore and join in the activities but they said don't want. Later i go in they will say "why she pang sei you one?" hello, i have my personal time too. I think i dont click with Virgo people. Really. I find them super selfish. The guy friend also like that. The female friend also like tt. Even my sec gal friend also like that, we had fixed down the time to go out. I called her and she was still sleeping at home. WTF and she canceled the event and didn't say sorry at all!! I'm so angry but i don't talk to her anymore. But i think i recently talk to her and she said she miss me as a friend. So ok, i talk to her and ask her out and i said, $8 for the meal outside. SHE SAID SO EXPENSIVE. Now i know she's a calculative person. Zzz $8 is considered cheap for outside meal already. Im not a rich person but i know that restaurant meal is suppose to be $20+. Her birthday bash also. WAhhz First time went to their mini party with her church friends, and two church friends brought two chairs outside the door as a "receptionist" to collect $8 for a buffet. SUPER no respect for new faces and other old churchgoers. I don't even know need to pay and they can set up a booth outside. I think is rude to collect money in the first place. SELFISH people. dotz. I mingle with the people there. One of the selfish people i mingled, she said she's a psychology student. And she had super no respect for me too. Im sitting in between her and my friend. She was talking to her across with her for the whole session. Not that i never talk. I tried to make jokes and she ignore me. WTF. did i offend u? zzz.. A failed psychology student. She's also one of the person who sit outside collecting money. I never want to visit any more church.

The church people atmosphere is weird too. Why organise a party when not everyone is close with one another and doesn't want to talk to another people. I felt weird myself too. The teenagers is super weird and selfish. Except for two of them which is coincidentally the same poly as mine.