poly

Now poly is starting afresh a new semester. I'm satisfied with my results and oh my goodness. This time our class conflict is getting more outrageous. The guy friend wanted a reconcile but i felt that it's ok that everyone makes mistakes and as long as he change himself and stop being like a child, i don't mind. But i hate it when everyone keeps talking bad about other people. I realise, although we gossip a lot, all of us doesn't understand one another well too.

So, I started to create general topics for everyone. But that gal friend of mine, another childish and sensitive person started to change topics again back to gossip. I kind of dislike this. Nobody actually listened to me. Gossip for 3 months about the same few people she still wanted to gossip. She can even talk about our ex guy friend bad traits again and again and again. What kind of friend is that. Only a small quarrel, he admited he's wrong and my guy friend cannot forgive him already. Ok can understand that because he did something really bad which is noting down his password for NYP portal to check his results. "做人要心胸广阔，何况是男的。“ After all it's his choice too. I wished he can reconcile too because i knew he would not repeat his mistakes again, not too much. Now, I find her enemy classmates are a little better. One of her enemy friend which is my ex-enemy guy friend, talk to me. What i dislike him is because, being a guy, he's so stingy and calculative in front of gals. But, he's sociable which is a good thing. Dotz and the gal friend of mine said," sociable people aren't good, he's trying to make convo." =.= obviously he's making convo~ Then she said,"he want to make convo so that he feel better doing projects since sch is restarting." I am thinking nothing wrong with that. She wanted to convince me that he is selfish and all to talk to you because school is starting soon. Aiya, that's social purpose and everyone is doing that so that they will meet at the same venue, eat together. Zzz That's my life my choice, who i want to be it's my problem. What attitude to use on which type of person is my choice. There's one time i said, " Anthony is not a bad person and all just because he liked to talk to my gal friend enemy doesn't mean he's a bad person" AND all in my gal friend mind is" Why u keep protecting him, like him izzit?" LOLx I really nothing to say because i don't want to explain to her. Now she change her mind and said,

actually, ant is afterall not a bad person

. After all the samson incident. HAIZ She once said, "

Im great at looking at people and understand people's behaviour

" If that's the case, why you can change a person's perception and impression of the person after several incident and comments by other people? Go study some psychology before you said sth like that. Aishh stop complaining. I felt childish sometimes too. Why i keep saying psychology things is that i don't like people to keep pushing me to others i don't like and assume that i like and letting the whole world to know and convince them that "i like that person". I felt that she's not respecting me. She can just play for a while i don't care but too much is too much.

Enough of her. Sometimes i felt that i also need to change my behaviour. I look at one of my best secondary school friends, she had changed to a better person. Someone sociable, kind, caring, matured. Just that her expectation of future husband is high too. Not only that she got a quite good looking face.

While i looked at myself,

• cannot talk much in some ocassions.
• quite ugly
• quite selfish
• keep having negative thoughts about some people around me
• bad temper
• bad manners
• shy
• poor
• Petty sometimes
• bad hairstyle
• calculative sometimes since im a poor child
• lazy
• no aura around me be it (pretty,sexy or cute)
• Criticise people sometimes in a jokingly manner but in a private way meaning not announcing to the whole world about ur bad habits etc.
• low confidence/ self esteem
• i hate my big thighs

Good points are

1. I am quite generous sometimes if i felt happy
2. Can do housework automatically for my parents
3. hardworking in terms of study and other stuff
4. interested in all kinds of sports, nature, culture bascically many things that i liked ( so that people won't be bored with me"
5. boring person? I don't think so. Many people said im funny but i seldom realised it until they tell me.
6. Like to sing but shy to sing infront of strangers
7. Like to dance to but shy
8. Considered average weight which i like that
9. One of my friend said im special which i liked that. :)
10. Mother said i got brains cos i can think of crazy ideas for some spoilt household items and make it useable.

I think i'm self advertising myself. PS: this is not a match- making forum.

Restart

Sometimes i feel that people don't understand me. I think poly life is getting dull each day. Everyone had reveal their weaknesses and their face behind the masks. Conflicts and all. We still got to do project with one another. Even my clique is a little psychic at times. I'm kind of tired with my clique. One guy out of jealousy, want to walk out from our mini clique called meanos. Jealous of his guy friend talking to other guy he hate. He's not gay, maybe he is but i don't know. He just hate crowds and demand people to accompany him. I think he is being a little selfish and overboard at times. Saying how he suffered. Cut his wrists, gobble down food trying to choke himself and punched his wrists on the wall. When i check his hand the next day, there's no bleeding signs. He wanted to get our attention but its getting too much that i ignore him. I felt lonely too, sometimes. But some will ignore me. However, when there are times i wanted to be alone, i dont mind. I don't like it when there's a lot of people i know around me ignore me. While when there's not a lot of people. I wanted to be alone. For example, when going out with girl friends. I hate shopping with them seriously. I dislike waiting for them and all. I wanted to be alone shopping. I find that more fun and easy to decide what i want to buy.

Yesterday, i went botanic garden with her. I really hate to follow people around aimlessly. Actually, i don't feel like going. But since she asked me i said ok. Next time i would never want to go out with her again. I felt like a mother bringing a child sometimes too. I have to think of her feelings. She doesn't like to shop but i wanted to shop. I said ok then we separate. You go home first then i continue. I don't mind like that. But she went silent because she wants company. I don't like it when everytime she shouted like a child and said "PANG SEI me" "PANG SEI me" want everyone to know im a bad person. ok. I mean everyone is a young adult already. Can't you stay alone for a short period? Although i was PS for a few days before but i never say out. Until suddenly i said can don't leave me alone behind. Then she will sort of make fun of me and said to other friend jokingly, "eh, ignore her" But sometimes i don't take jokes. I felt uncomfortable and i feel like switching friends. But it's already too late to change another new friend. After all, human beings are selfish. After that, i decide to ignore her and join other people for other topics. I realised that i clicked well with other people more because we have the common interests. She started to feel left out and angrily said,"you know im not 18 yet and want to go ladies night". Dotz Obviously she is angry and i said,"ok lo, we accompany u later" cos i felt bad too ma. Then she said," Oh im not another samson. Im not angry too." Obviously she's angry and all, I find her a little childish too. Maybe, a little taste for her to feel what is to be alone. Somehow, I wasted time with these people.

Cruise is suppose to be a fun filled event and u know what???? We stayed in the "hotel room" playing pokers. Damn it. I really don't like staying in the hotel room. There's a lot of place i wanted to explore and join in the activities but they said don't want. Later i go in they will say "why she pang sei you one?" hello, i have my personal time too. I think i dont click with Virgo people. Really. I find them super selfish. The guy friend also like that. The female friend also like tt. Even my sec gal friend also like that, we had fixed down the time to go out. I called her and she was still sleeping at home. WTF and she canceled the event and didn't say sorry at all!! I'm so angry but i don't talk to her anymore. But i think i recently talk to her and she said she miss me as a friend. So ok, i talk to her and ask her out and i said, $8 for the meal outside. SHE SAID SO EXPENSIVE. Now i know she's a calculative person. Zzz $8 is considered cheap for outside meal already. Im not a rich person but i know that restaurant meal is suppose to be $20+. Her birthday bash also. WAhhz First time went to their mini party with her church friends, and two church friends brought two chairs outside the door as a "receptionist" to collect $8 for a buffet. SUPER no respect for new faces and other old churchgoers. I don't even know need to pay and they can set up a booth outside. I think is rude to collect money in the first place. SELFISH people. dotz. I mingle with the people there. One of the selfish people i mingled, she said she's a psychology student. And she had super no respect for me too. Im sitting in between her and my friend. She was talking to her across with her for the whole session. Not that i never talk. I tried to make jokes and she ignore me. WTF. did i offend u? zzz.. A failed psychology student. She's also one of the person who sit outside collecting money. I never want to visit any more church.

The church people atmosphere is weird too. Why organise a party when not everyone is close with one another and doesn't want to talk to another people. I felt weird myself too. The teenagers is super weird and selfish. Except for two of them which is coincidentally the same poly as mine.